For Women in Domestic Violence Situations
1) During her time at PAVE, Sandra learnt about the cycle of violence. There is a honeymoon phase, tension-building phase and explosion phase. The honeymoon period, which can span months, is when an abuser apologises for his behaviour and shows remorse. He even shows affection, leading you to believe he is indeed repentant.
The tension-building phase starts when the abuser makes difficult demands again and breaks his promises. Finally, the explosion phase is when the abuser commits an act of abuse, which can include name-calling, beatings, destroying of personal belongings, and even mental manipulation such as threatening to commit suicide.
[Editor’s note: This is a basic guide on the cycle of violence. Not all abusers will follow this cycle.]
2) When seeking medical attention, head to a hospital instead of a clinic. Records of your bruises and treatments will be kept in a repository, which you can retrieve as evidence should you ever go to court. Neighbourhood clinics are unlikely to keep such records.
3) Tolerating and putting up with violent behaviour is not a sacrificial act, nor is it heroic. You do not profit from it. It only emboldens the abuser.
1) Domestic violence always happens in a private space. Do intervene when you suspect your neighbour or relative is trapped in such a situation. It is not about interfering with the couple’s relationship problems, but helping to defuse the tension and helping the abuser understand that violence is never a means for conflict resolution.